For the bullies and their prey

I am not so full of myself to think that this will actually be read by anyone who gives a shit, but I'm writing anyway.  This is an open letter to anyone who ever called a classmate a dork, whoever stuck their foot out to trip the shy kid, whoever tossed grapes at a skinny reader on the bus.
Hey, Hot shot!  Feel good about what you did today?  Yea, that nerd that keeps getting A's and all the teacher's compliments had it coming, huh?  I mean, what kind of freak actually does his homework every night anyway? He's so much better than you, you were justified in knocking him down a peg or two, huh? And getting all those kids to laugh, that was just icing on the cake.
Here's the deal, though, Sparky.  The only idiot in the room is you.  I could get all psychological and say you don't get enough hugs or you have issues with your parents' divorce, but I don't really care.  You are an idiot being raised (or ignored) by idiots while the child who you see as some sort of punching bag is a human being.  And just maybe, he too doesn't get enough hugs or can't deal with his parents' divorce.  I know you're only 11 years old or so, but why don't you try talking.  I am willing to bet you both have a lot more in common than not.  Unless of course, you like being seen as the stupid clown. Because, even though no one actually tells you, they think you're a total asshole.

To the victim of the bully:
Why are you a victim?  You may never know.  Some people just are.  Maybe you wear glasses, maybe you have acne, maybe your clothes are "different".  Doesn't matter.   Bullies are the hunters of the animal kingdom, but they are not efficient hunters.  They prey on and knock down what they see as the weaker ones, ones who don't fight back.  Here's the thing:  Bullies have nothing else.  They have no empathy, they have little intelligence and they have no self esteem at all.  They puff and bully in an attempt to get that self esteem, but if it really worked, they'd only have to do it once, right? 
When you stay silent, you give bullies power.  You allow them to fester, to grow.  You have forms of communication-USE THEM.  Tell a teacher, an aide, your mother, your wonderful aunt, anyone who will help you. And keep telling them.  The truth will set you free. Being silent and polite is for fancy dinner parties, not for bullying.
I need to tell you this as well:  If you have ever contemplated or attempted suicide because of these assholes, tell someone. IMMEDIATELY.  Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  You would be gone forever and those who caused that to happen will go on their merry way, completely ignorant of what they did.  That is the power you gave.  And it's a stupid thing to do.  As a mom, I can tell you honestly, NO mother should have to bury her child.  You have the power to control that. Use it.
Life gets better.  It has its bad times, it has its wonderful times.  But to miss a sunset, to not be able to hold your child's hand, to not hear laughter, all because of some idiot's idea of fun, that's not fair to YOU.  Take your power, knock the tormentors down and contribute to the world.  We need you.
So, I bet you are thinking, what the hell does SHE know? Some dumb chick wasting time on her Dell.  Well, I was bullied.  And had I given in to it, I would never know my kids, never have met my friends, never photographed a sunset. Being bullied may have helped shaped me, but it didn't kill me, it didn't stop me.  Life is way too short to care about where those morons ended up and I'm sure they have no recollection of their actions. 
That just is not worth giving in to. 
Fight back, kid. Now or later, fight back.

Getting Inked

The reality shows make it look as easy as getting a haircut and never mention price, pain or time. There's a reason for that-no one would get a tattoo if they knew there might be pain, blood and a near-emptying of the wallet.

Some people have great resistance to pain. They think a near severing of a finger is the equivalent of a paper cut. They've broken bones and never flinched. I am not one of those people. In the images below, I am getting my second tattoo. Pain has a short memory; it wasn't until we started this one that I remembered, "Oh yea, these things HURT."

The black outlines are done or at least attempted to be done, in one flowing line as required, so think of it as someone dragging a very fine razor blade over your skin.
In the first picture, I am chewing on my arm to take at least some of my mind off the pain. A day later, my arm was red and sore. Certain parts of my thigh seemed to be more sensitive and at those times, in addition to chewing, I dug my nails into my arm as well. The "reasoning" behind this was I had always heard that the brain can not concentrate on two separate pains at once. It turns out that it can, if one pain is intense enough.
The second and third pictures show the lines being drawn in.


The artist, Bryan Keinlen, had patience with me. It is extremely hard to lie still, one leg supporting the other while a stranger is cutting ink into you. If I needed a break, he obliged (the supporting leg has a metal plate and eight screws so it tends to get stiff). He "chased" me as I slowly moved away from him until I had no choice but to reposition myself.

Nerve endings are not the same throughout any particular body part. The back part of my thigh was in much more pain than the rest. And, depending on the needle and the pressure used, there can be almost no pain at all. I didn't really feel the coloring in of the rose and stem. This was due to both the wider multi-tip needle and the lack of sensitive nerves.


On the tv shows, you might see some drawing, wiping, drawing, wiping. This is as much to take away the ink as it is to get the blood out of the way. Tattoos, as seen below, are an inky, bloody mess.

This tattoo, which takes up about 8 inches of my thigh, took just over two hours. My previous tattoo, which is half the size and doesn't have all the black shading but has a lot of color, took about ninety minutes. This one cost $300.

There are several ways to choose both an artist and a design. I had this design in my head for about ten years as a tribute to my parents. I visited several tattoo establishments and settled on Immortal Ink, where Bryan works, when I looked through their books. I made a composite of what I wanted and brought that in, then Bryan drew out the final design for the tattoo.

While I was chewing on my arm, wincing and "ow!ow! ow!" ing, a young man in the next room was nonchalantly holding a conversation with his artist while getting inked on his shoulder. I must have looked ridiculous through the opening between the two rooms. I was too busy chewing to care, though.

It will be a few days before this looks like it should. Tattoos should be treated gently and you will be given directions by your artist about what to do. In a couple of days it will begin to peel (it is already beginning to itch just 24 hours later) and the colors will become brighter.

In time, the pain will be all but completely forgotten and I "might" think of getting a third one. In time...

New Jersey Endangered Sites

Preservation New Jersey is dedicated to saving endangered sites, including homes, villages, battle sites and any historically significant areas. Unbeknownst to myself, I have been photographing sites that have appeared on their lists since 1999.
My page of abandoned/endangered sites: NJ Abandonments
Top to bottom: The Union Hotel in Flemington; The McCoughan Runnkle Manson, Annadale; Max's Diner (gone), Harrison; Branchburg Diner, Branchburg; Gulick Mansion, Lawrence.

To help Preservation New Jersey out with a donation and to see its lists of endangered sites, please visit the link above.

I'm Ba-a-a-a-a-a-ck!!

Not that anyone cared, but whatevah...
Bristol, 2012! My 12th time there!! Why should you care? Because I am an awesome Bristol race photographer. Check'em out! Bristol